A FOOD PYRAMID REBELLION
Sarah Bigham
A nutritionist recently told me I needed more vegetables in my diet, but she conveniently forgot to write down the salad and green beans I ate along with a baked potato in what was truly a representative meal the night before.
I have tried to like kale, but it leaves a tang on my tongue that won’t go away when used in smoothies or side dishes or stir-fries. I tried to like cauliflower “rice” too, but it has no starchy taste and I feel it is misnamed which just puts consumers off. At least those like me.
I once saw a show about people with parasitic twins who grew along with them, evolving into enormous, tumor-like appendages. I tried to convince myself that my parasitic twin Tabitha loved kale, but it turns out she doesn’t like it either.
FAST CLASSROOM EXIT
Sarah Bigham
Professors are indestructible
Stain-resistant
And laminated
We endure, but all have
A chink in our armor
I can handle the odd
And the mis-fitting
The tardy because the car broke down
And the terrified of returning to school
The early, front-row I-need-an-A-ers
And the off-target rambling story tellers
The methodical, insatiable pencil-sharpeners
And the constant-questioners who never sit still
The I-am-going-to-eat-this-hoagie-from-Sheetz-instead-of-taking-notes-ers
And the cell phone addicts who text in their crotches
But pink eye gets me
Every
Single
Time
Out, I say
Out
Talk to no one
Touch nothing
Do not hand in a paper
Go home
Put your sunglasses on
I’m bleaching the door
Get out
And only return when
Not a trace of red
Can be found in your eyes
Sarah Bigham teaches, writes, and paints in Maryland where she lives with her kind chemist wife, their three independent cats, and an unwieldy herb garden. A Pushcart nominee, her poetry, fiction, and nonfiction have appeared in Bacopa, Entropy, Fourth & Sycamore, The Quotable, Rabbit, Touch, and other great places for readers and writers. Find her at www.sgbigham.com.
